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To give a bit of back-story -- over the summer, I have enjoyed all the free professional development that has been so generously shared. And one of my favorites has been with Leslie Fisher. (www.lesliefisher.com) I met Leslie many years ago at a Classroom Connect Conference - she was a seminar leader, I was a newbie sponge. I enjoyed the way she shared -- and became a fan. A few years later, I too was a seminar leader and our paths crossed a bit more frequently. In fact once in Long Beach, we had quite a nice conversation. I have been blessed that MANY people that I considered my mentors are also considered friends now. Leslie is one of those. So, when I saw her offering weekly seminars -- I signed up right away. The only problem was that ever 3 weeks, I had a doctors appointment I needed to be at. And here becomes the premise of this blog post.
2 weeks ago, I posted a picture of myself at Kaiser -- hooked up to an iv machine, having treatment....but looking forward to getting home to attend Leslie's session.
Another attendee of Leslie's saw the post and asked:
Well is all is good why are you even in the hospital???
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In answer to the second part of your question - What are you even in the hospital?
I am in the hospital because I am fighting stage 4 cancer. On December 19, 2018, I was diagnosed with skin cancer and it had spread to some nodes. I had surgery on January 4, 2019 (5 1/2 hours). Then in March, I had 35 radiation treatments -- lasting until May. In October of 2019, it was found that the radiation treatments did not help as intended and I needed to undergo immunotherapy. It is a every 3 week dose....for 30 minutes....and it seems to be making a difference. The cancer is not gone.....but it is not growing at this time. In fact, a few of the tumors are diminishing. I am still labeled Stage 4.....and the doctor has said that I will be on this treatment for the rest of my life......so, it seems that this is a battle that I will not win.
But that -- leads me to the first part of your question -- Well is all is good?
That -- is because of God. Without Him in my life, I truly don't think I could be as positive about this as I am. I have seen his fingerprints in so many pieces of this puzzle. I don't view these as coincidences....
a. One of my radiation nurses was a former student who remembered me after 15 years.
b. When I was terrified of going to the doctor, the doctor I was assigned to was the kindest, gentlest man.... he is now moved away.....but the time I needed the kindness of a doctor, he was there.
c. Before surgery, my friend asked what I needed most....and I responded "Peace". After surgery, just after entering into the hospital room.....the nicest of nurses was there to help me get settled. After everything was done to make me comfortable......I asked her what her name was -- she responded "Peace." We never saw her again after that day. I was in the hospital for 3 days.
d. It had been said to me that I would have to move to LA for my radiation treatments and that I could not take my cat. My radiation treatments ended up being 15 minutes from my home and I was able to drive myself daily to appointments. (And I also worked during this time.)
e. My current immunotherapy has had no major side affects. Though I am using a roller now for stability -- I have not had everything they warned me about. Some minor affects are starting to show up -- but NOTHING huge yet.
Am I sad -- yes, there is a lot I still wish to do which I might not get to. And to be honest, in regards to Ed-Tech, I am a bit worried of what my friends will do without my encouragement and support.
But is life still GOOD? Very much!
God has provided me with an abundance of friends.....especially online. My online community is smothering me with prayer. They encourage me with cards (and stickers for my roller.) When I needed income, they donated to my go-fund-me (above and beyond what I needed.) They care in a variety of ways.
God has provided me with health through the sickness. I know that is an oxymoron.....but I am still working every day. I'm a bit tired at night -- but all in all......at this moment in time......I am able to work a 40 hour week.
God has provided me with his comfort and peace. Songs and scripture continue through my mind throughout the day. Even when I doubt, He is still there. Even when I argue, He listens. Even when I get weary, He gives me strength.
Life is still Good because I believe in God. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe I am going to a better place when this cancer fight is complete.
Some people might say, "well it is good right now because you are not having side affects from the treatment," and I admit, that might be true. But to be honest, life is really hard right now.
Due to the surgery, the right side of my face is now disfigured. I have no eyebrow....I do have a long scar down the center of my cheek, my jaw line is gone, my ear is weirdly shaped, and my nose looks horrid. On the other side of the coin, I lost a nerve and they told me I would not be able to smile again......but I can smile....and I am learning to whistle again. And....I am not liking covid.....but the masks are covering a lot of my disfigurement right now and that is a good thing for me. But I am feeling a bit awkward and it take s a lot of courage for me to go out among people.
But them I return to my foundation -- and "I know I can do all things through Christ" and "Great is our God, Mighty in power" and the entire book of Philippians fills my heart with joy and promise.
So, in answer to your question -- Well is all is good?
It is because of God. I don't know how I would get through this without HIM in my life.
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If anyone reading this blog wishes to know more.....feel free to reach out to me.
Or read the Gospel of John (to begin with).
My faith is a simple faith -- an obedient child-like faith. I'm not a great scholar...I cannot truly debate theology -- but I have life-experience with God who continues to be present and blesses me over and over again - more abundantly that I would ever think to expect.
Jen